


EVERYTHING I NEVER TOLD YOU.

by taeilsd



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:21:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23842186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taeilsd/pseuds/taeilsd
Summary: Everything Mark didn't tell Y/N, he now writes it down into a letter.
Relationships: Couple - Relationship, Mark Lee (NCT)/Reader
Kudos: 14





	EVERYTHING I NEVER TOLD YOU.

_You were familiar to me ever since I spotted your face for the first time on that same train station we both went every morning. You were always ready with your make-up and your hair styled perfectly. The perfect outfit hanging on your shoulders and a big smile on your face. Every single day._

**_I never told you that you looked beautiful._ **

_The first time I approached you it was because your wallet had fallen out of your open purse, do you remember that? To this day you always have your purse filled with so many unnecessary things, the important ones are always buried or they keep falling down. When I gave it back to you, you smiled at me, shocked to see your wallet on my hands._

**_I never told you that your smile has been on my mind ever since that day._ **

_After that first encounter I knew I had to achieve some kind of contact with you. Every morning a watched how you hurried to the train station, sometimes your phone in your ear because of a call, sometimes with a book in between your hands. And you saw me too. I remember the first time you waved back at me, recognizing me as that boy who got you back your wallet._

**_I never told you that since day I started to like waking up and going to work because of you._ **

_After a month from that first and last time we spoke, I finally armed myself with courage to approach you and talk to you. A simple hello, how’s your morning? I said. You turned your beautiful face towards me and smiled big as your eyes shined._

**_I never told you that I hadn’t slept that night because of how nervous I felt._ **

_I still remember how much time it passed before I found the right moment to ask you out to our first date. Somewhere between two and three months, only keeping it on a small conversation every morning about the weather, or how much the train was taking to come. It may seem stupid to some people, but those moments were the most important for me. To be with you for ten minutes, to have you near me._

**_I never told you that your voice was stuck in my head from day one._ **

_Our first date was a mess, do you remember that? I remember how walking back home started to rain, heavily at that, and neither of us had an umbrella. Running down the almost empty street after having dinner on the way to your home. I remember how we filled the dark streets with laughter and the sound of your heels._

**_I never told you how I had to walk under the rain for another half and hour after leaving you at home. But it was worth it._ **

_I also remember our second date. This time it was you who asked me out, which shocked me but in a pleasant way. You don’t even know how stupid I looked that day with a big smile on my face. Everyone kept asking what was wrong with me, but I only answered that I was just happy. How couldn’t I be? We went out to a bar that Friday night, and you told me how all the girls had their hearts broken, including you._

**_I never told you how I promised myself that I would be the one to heal you._ **

_That night was our first kiss. It was spontaneous. It was just out of the third bar we had went to. It was two A.M., and maybe it was the alcohol or the need we had for each other but, to this day, that has been my favourite kiss. After that we filled the streets with kisses, stopping every two steps to take my face between your hands and mix our kisses with smiles and laughter._

**_I never told you how I kept going back to those places just to reminisce those moments._ **

_After that everything went smoothly. It seemed like I was living in a romantic movie. You appeared out of nowhere and decided to stay in my life, and I still couldn’t believe I was so lucky to have you. That was when I asked you to be my formal girlfriend and you just jumped in my arms kissing my whole face._

**_I never told you that I felt like crying because of your reaction, too pure._ **

_I have heard people say that real love wasn’t true, and that it was only pure attraction to someone until you get bored of them. But I didn’t feel it that way. It was true, I knew it. When we decided to move in together, do you remember how much time we spent just looking around for apartments? And how frustrated I was? I still remember how you calmed me down every time saying that everything would be fine, telling me to not worry about little things._

**_I never told you that you were the peace I needed into my life._ **

_And life was good. Life was amazing by your side. To wake up every morning feeling your body next to mine, to kiss you goodnight. To snuggle beside you on a rainy day, to feel your touches and caresses on my face, soft and tender._

**_I never told you how much I appreciated those little touches of yours._ **

_But, as usual, life doesn’t always turn the way we want. And that’s that happened to us. I had to protect you, Y/N. I didn’t want you to suffer because of me. I didn’t want you to cry your eyes to sleep because of me. I didn’t want you to be worried about me every hour of the day._

**_I never told you about the disease I had._ **

_Everything got harder. I tried to keep it away from you, but you started to get suspicious. My skin got paler, and I lost too much weight out of sudden. I remember your judging eyes at me, your silent treatments because you knew I was hiding something. You thought it was another woman, you thought I was having an affair._

**_I never told you how I couldn’t even think about another woman._ **

_That’s why I had to cut things off. I had to make sure you kept going on with your life without the burden of a sick person on your side. I remember how the tears slid down your face, and you just asked me for an explanation. But I had none. I couldn’t bring myself to look at your eyes because I felt like I would spill all of the secrets I had._

**_I never told you I was dying._ **

_You left our home that night. Our home, I still think about it. Since that night everything felt colder. Everything lost its colour. The bed felt empty and I felt like the walls were talking to me, telling me how guilty I had to feel for lying to you this way. But I had to keep you out of my life, I had to protect you from that horrible feeling of having your partner die in front of your eyes._

**_I never told you how I cried for you every single night._ **

_The day I entered the hospital, I knew it was over. It was matter of time for me to pass to the other side. My parents begged me to let them call you, tell what was going on. But I knew this was the best, for you._

**_I never told you that it hurt more to be away from you rather the disease that was killing me._ **

_And now I’m writing this alone in the hospital room. I can barely open my eyes, and I know the end is near. I can feel it. But deep down I don’t want to leave this world without saying goodbye. I don’t want you to feel like I had betrayed you. I don’t want you to remember me like that stupid boy who ruined your life by approaching you on the train station. I want to leave this world at peace with myself. I don’t know if this letter will ever arrive to you, I don’t know if you will ever open it or just throw it away. But I wanted to make sure that you know I loved you, I love you and I will still love you even if my body is not here anymore._

**_I wanted to make sure you knew everything I never told you._ **

You read the letter once again, your tears falling down the paper as you grasped it with force. Looking up, you brought yourself back to the present, where Mark’s coffin was being buried at this same moment. The heaviness in your chest made it hard to breathe as your heart kept breaking, each and every piece staying forever with him.

**Author's Note:**

> you can find more of my work here: taeils.tumblr.com


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